Honestly I think this blog is going to be a big spew of blah on your computer screen, because today I just don’t know how I feel. All I know is that the only good thing about being adult is coffee. So this all began with me sitting on the bottom of the shower with all these mixed emotions going on, most of them being childish and just not wanting to be an adult. For example my legs look like Hairy Maclary from Donaldson’s Dairy and I’m thinking if I was a kid I wouldn’t have to waste time shaving them, I know dumb thought hey? And yes they are still like a rug. I just didn’t want to. There is more seriousness to this than just personal hygiene lol.
Frillys, ABC kids, coffee and journal writing
A friend asked me the other day if i was depressed and I thought and I thought no no I don’t think so, I know I’m not. Most of the time I’m a pretty happy relaxed person and always try to see the best in every situation but I guess just lately the small things have been playing upon my mind and getting on top of me which I guess may come across as depression. And in my opinion we all have depression, it’s just some people have it on a greater scale than others. Me, I have small bouts of it every now and then or it could just be called female. I am one of the lucky ones.
At the moment I’m feeling the pressures of being a good mum, good girlfriend, good chef, good friend, good coach etc etc. and I’m feeling that I’m failing a lot in most of these areas. Not to mention the thought of going back to work and MONEY. yuck I hate that word. Again I just don’t want to. I’m seeing to many mums putting up on facebook “Time to go back to work.” when their baby is 4 months old because that’s when the money runs out with centrelink and I’m over here like HUH?!? my little person is almost 9 months and I just don’t want to. And I’m so glad there are mums out there going back to work don’t get me wrong I do not have an opinion about this every mum is different and you need to do whatever you think is right for yourself and your baby. I just have high anxiety levels about going back to my job. I don’t think I will get back into the flow of things easy and I don’t feel very welcomed back which is a sad thing. I did love my job but somehow I think I wouldn’t fit back in and that my job has gone to someone else. So you say stop whining about it and do something. And I have. A new career path and job, but with this comes doubt and scarifies. No pay for the first couple of months, working weekends and not many hours. And starting a new job casual means another year of not been able to get homeloans etc. I’m really struggling with all of this at the moment and wish that being an adult wouldn’t come with decision making.
Poke your tongue out and be a kid again. Pull a funny face.
Oh I’m so sorry to the people that are reading this, well still reading this. I think I just needed a vent and I refuse to whine like a little bitch on facebook status, because there is nothing worse than that person on facebook saying FML plus it would of been a huge status as well lol. At least with a blog you choose to read it so it’s your fault for reading my crap thoughts hahahahaha. jokes I’m glad you are reading, but I did warn you at the start it would be a blog full of nothing, but I needed it and I thank you for that. I feel much better.
I have found the source of my problem and why I’m feeling this way. I think. My daughter dislikes me. LOL. Hear me out. She pushes me away all the time, she cries almost every time she looks at me (I know most people do lol) and if I want a cuddle and kiss I need to get it while she pulls at my face or screams. I feel like I’m living with a tiny 16 year old that only says ‘dad’ and shits herself. (through nappy and clothes twice in 2 days) YAY for being adult. Oh and the problem isn’t the poo you thought it was. I can deal with that. It’s changing clothes, because by god Frankie screams bloody murder putting a singlet on and off. Bring on Summer I’ll be that mum with the naked kid.
But as I sit here typing away my little human is sound asleep in her cot, I have my frilly socks on, drinking my coffee, watching Dr Phil, with hairy legs and thinking it might suck being an adult at times and having responsibilities (and I’m glad my life is way better than Dr Phil’s guests) but being a mum comes with so many rewards and is the most fulfilling thing about being an adult and when she wakes I will cuddle my little girl whisper in her ear to not grow up and if she tries to get away from me I will squeeze harder because I’m the adult and if I want a hug she has to.
Have a great day peoples. Try and do one thing today that makes you feel like a child. Roll in the grass, watch cartoons or put on frilly socks. whatever might make you feel better as an adult 🙂
frankieellen 