New year, New you #bullshit

So we are in the 2nd week of 2016 and this blog post was meant to be up and running by January 1st and this is why I don’t buy into the resolution crap. First year ever not making resolutions and this gives a little insight onto why we don’t need them and why I believe new year, new you is a little bit of bullshit. Hope you enjoy my little story.

I’m always that person that has new year resolution but usually fails in the first week into the year or January 1st. So, this year I’m not even going to bother with it and to be honest there isn’t a whole lot I want to change in my life. Even if there was why do we wait to the new year? Why not just start eating healthy, saving money, writing a blog a week, whatever it might be change it right there and then. Why wait to make the change in your life? We don’t need a date to quit smoking just do it. Just make a choice to change your bad habits in a moment.

 

We get in and dated with our newsfeed full of “2016 is the year for me” or “It’s my year to become a better person physically and mentally” blah blah blah blah no pressure people no pressure. Just because we have a brand new year doesn’t mean we shouldn’t change before that or that we need to change at all. Yes it’s an amazing feeling when the clock strikes 12 and we have a shining new year ahead of us to do what we wish with. A brand new year to conquer the world. And you can. But why have resolutions? There is no error, once broken we give up. (mostly in the first week) or we make completely unrealistic goals.

I have never been really good at even keeping promises to myself so I find it easier to set small goals and just believe in the moment, time is precious, but we have all the time in the world for dreams to come true. Even if you had a bad year in 2015 don’t say “Fuck 2015 fresh new start 2016.” Great good on you for having a positive outlook on what the future year is going to have for you, but don’t put pressure on having the best year ever. I hope every year in the future is my best year yet. What if you fail at your resolutions in the first month? We get depressed and say we can’t do anything, but realistically we make mistakes and we certainly learn from them. And that’s just life. If you make the choice to lose weight but then have a block of chocolate well that resolution is broken, but that’s ok. Are you going to wait for a new year to start again? AHHH NO What do you think will happen if you keep eating the chocolate for that whole year. Just make the change today not tomorrow, not yesterday, but today. Oh hell I’m getting like all motivational speaker on people’s asses. This just really shits me when people whinge about their lives. Just be happy with what you have and if your not you are the only one that can make that change and waiting for the new year is possibly the worse thing you can do.

On a lighter note I have had one resolution over my 31 years that I have stuck with. This is how bad I’m at sticking with anything. It is possibly the dumbest resolution ever but here it is. ‘Don’t read your horoscopes for a whole year.’ and I stuck at that. It might seem such a small thing but when you read them from every magazine every day (this is because I worked in a newsagent) you become a little obseresed and wonder why you haven’t come into any money this week or you should meet the love of your life this week. Ummmm already have him. So I started to base my life around these predictions. I needed to quit. I know they are a load of crap but I just kept reading and reading and wondering why as a Libra I don’t have high enegry and a new job. Why is my life not working out because thats what my horoscopes say? Yes I’m a strange one at times. So I made a new year’s resolution along with probably many others that year that failed, but I stuck with this one. I would flick quickly through the part of the magazine closing my eyes and freaking out when I would hear it on the morning show as that weird hippie lady would read them out lalalalalalalalalalala fingers in ears and mute the TV. Guess what? I didn’t achieve anything by not reading them, and I still read them every now and then. When the year was over and I had realised I had not broken my new years resloution I still had the same waist line and yep still smoking just the same as every year. If you want to do something you need to be in the right frame of mind not just because it’s a new year.

My 2015 New year’s eve shared with great friends and plenty of drinks and smokes

I have had so many resloutions over the years here are a few-
Eat healthy – Yeh NO!!
Write in a journal once a day- this usually lastest awhile becasue I love to write but never the whole year.
Be a happier person- Now we can’t be happy all the time, can we
Quit smoking- This needs to happen but again I love it way to much
Exercise every second day- Oh please never going to happen. I can’t exercise once a month.

Would love to hear other people’s resolutions and if you have conquered them. There is always other opinions and I love hearing them. We all very much have the same resolutions as the next person and why? Because we are all striving to be better, hotter, fitter, healthy so on and so on. We really need to stop living in a black and white world and make some room for colour or even just some grey. We need to make mistakes and not think everything is wrong or right. Don’t make resolutions! Maybe just start believing in yourself. Think about that.

This is the way to spend new years. In ya knickers and with friends

Bringing in 2016 with my lover. He did end up in his knickers with friends by the end of the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well first week into the new year and I haven’t made any resolutions, first year ever. No changes. I’m happy the way I am and I have exciting things happening in 2016 holiday, wedding and things I don’t even know about yet, does it mean best year ever? Maybe? But I would hope that there are many awesome years to come. I’m just going to believe I can do anything I set my mind to, even if I don’t achieve dreams this year, there is always next year. So for now I’ll keep drinking my beer and eating chocolate because as long as I’m happy I don’t need to be pumping iron at the gym #gymselfie.

Just one persons opinion

I’m so angry at the fact that this is the 2nd time I’m writing this blog because by some nightmare I was typing away and pressed some button and all the words on the screen disappeared and of course I was almost at the end. AND guess what I normally hand write my blogs but thought I’m not doing that anymore its such a waste of time. I’ll just type it straight onto the program. FFS!!!! #$%$@#**&!& not the case. So yes with pen and paper old school me is writing it down. And let’s see how much I can remember from the first one.

Ok so I guess I’m going to be talking a little bit about myself in this one and I’m sorry about that, not sure why I’m sorry I’m sorry all the time when its not necessary.****** Why do we say sorry all the time for no reason? Is is because everyone has an opinion about everyone these days or the lack of self confidence? Does it just make us feel better? Who knows? but I guess I say sorry at least 30 times a day. I’m hoping to help fellow readers who have this same feeling as me. Here goes.

“The worst part of depression & anxiety is the people who don’t have it just don’t get it.”

Saw this on good old facebook as one of those picture quote things and I would just like to say a big fuck you whoever thinks this. (I’m sorry I don’t mean that but really come on. By the way this is just one tiny little opinion and it’s mine) I don’t have depression or anxiety, but I guarantee I know what it looks like and when it breaths its fiery breath. I do understand it. I know when it can take hold of someone and make them sweat, tremble and feel as if they are going to have a heart attack. But just because I don’t get these feelings doesn’t mean I don’t understand how it can take a hold of someone and eat them up inside. Maybe in my early 20’s I didn’t get it but now I’m quite aware of what can happen to a person. Just because us people don’t have it doesn’t mean we don’t have our horrid and self doubting days as well.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m judged on the fact I don’t have anxiety or depression that I’m not allowed sympathy when I feel as I have the lowest self esteem and doubt myself. I’m actually scared to post this blog because of the fact that my writing is crap and I’m afraid of upsetting or making someone feeling insulted by what I’m saying. I’m so sorry if by the end of reading this blog you feel that way. (There is that sorry.) This is the last thing I want to do. I just want to help people understand the other side of mental illness. The side that doesn’t have it. But deals with it on a daily basis. I watch friends and loved ones at times at the lowest of lows and hate the fact I can’t help them. I try to. I listen and I may not be able to fix the problem but I can be there and be understanding of their situation.  I have many people that I love and care about that are fighting a fight of the horrible black dog and just remember us that are not, still have compassion and sympathy for them and can also be battling different types of feelings. Hmmmmm In my head all of this makes sense but on paper or should I say computer sometimes it comes out wrong.

I may not have anxiety but I have an overbearing sadness when it comes to disappointing people. And the constant questioning of myself and the decisions that I make. I will try and explain this now with the situation that I’m in at the moment. It may not make sense to you, because to be honest doesn’t really make sense to me, but we can’t hold back the way that we feel. Here goes… I’m getting married for the 2nd time and though this should be a happy time in my life I’m full of dread, self doubt and fearful of people judging the crap out of me. So I’m not in doubt of getting married again or my husband to be I love him very much and very excited about being his wife. But its the many many people that may have an opinion from friends and family. I keep thinking about the family and friends that have already contributed to a wedding, but what about my partner he hasn’t done this before. This isn’t fair on him. For the people that know me know that all I want is for everyone I love to be happy and I know you can’t please everyone but why why not? To know that someone isn’t happy with the decisions that I make I can’t deal. This is my depression and anxiety. Some of my friends just tell me to do what you want, don’t let anyone rain on your parade and in true honesty we are never going to please everyone. Here is more doubt 5 Bridesmaids. They all don’t know who they are and I’m already scared if they think I’m going to insult them in this blog but 5 girls, 5 different personalities, 1 dress. AAAAGGGHHHH nightmare. I know that they would all be honored to be up there by my side and I’m so lucky to have them in my life but I’m horrified if they don’t tell me the truth about dress, hair, makeup and end up hating me (you hear of so many stories and I don’t want that) It goes on and on the thoughts in my head and I just give up and stop thinking about it. People may think I’m being stupid or pathetic but seriously who doesn’t feel like this. Sorry girls i love you very much.

I’m so very lucky to have amazing people in my life and to have captured the love in this photo.

Now not for a second am I reaching out for sympathy, I’m just wanting people to be aware that just because I don’t have a mental illness doesn’t mean I don’t understand. We live and breath it in different ways. I have the worse self doubt in all aspects of life. Maybe what I’m getting at is why do we need to put labels on people and the way that they deal with problems but just try and understand that every single person is fighting their own battle weather small or big, but maybe all it takes is to smile at a stranger or give a friend a hug if they don’t seem themselves.

We should all remember this every single day

And guys I haven’t told all my story because I have a little person on my shoulder saying “noone wants to hear about your crap.” The fact of it all is I don’t think I have completely got my point across but I also don’t want to give away to much of myself just yet or upset anyone. I wanted to start somewhere though and I want to write these blogs. Some will be crap and some will be even bigger crap but hopefully just hopefully someone even if its just one person can relate and know they aren’t alone or maybe some one will read this and make my decisions for me. That would be great. Apply within hahahah. Just in comments. Job going for decision making.
Until next time Happy Monday & look out for loved ones that maybe doing it tough especially this time of year. Meant to be the season to be jolly, but watch out for those signs of sadness.  And remember quoted by Ben Lee

“We are all in this together.”

I don’t want to adult today! You can’t make me

Honestly I think this blog is going to be a big spew of blah on your computer screen, because today I just don’t know how I feel. All I know is that the only good thing about being adult is coffee. So this all began with me sitting on the bottom of the shower with all these mixed emotions going on, most of them being childish and just not wanting to be an adult. For example my legs look like Hairy Maclary from Donaldson’s Dairy and I’m thinking if I was a kid I wouldn’t have to waste time shaving them, I know dumb thought hey? And yes they are still like a rug. I just didn’t want to. There is more seriousness to this than just personal hygiene lol.

Frillys, ABC kids, coffee and journal writing

A friend asked me the other day if i was depressed and I thought and I thought no no I don’t think so, I know I’m not. Most of the time I’m a pretty happy relaxed person and always try to see the best in every situation but I guess just lately the small things have been playing upon my mind and getting on top of me which I guess may come across as depression. And in my opinion we all have depression, it’s just some people have it on a greater scale than others. Me, I have small bouts of it every now and then or it could just be called female. I am one of the lucky ones.

At the moment I’m feeling the pressures of being a good mum, good girlfriend, good chef, good friend, good coach etc etc. and I’m feeling that I’m failing a lot in most of these areas. Not to mention the thought of going back to work and MONEY. yuck I hate that word. Again I just don’t want to. I’m seeing to many mums putting up on facebook “Time to go back to work.” when their baby is 4 months old because that’s when the money runs out with centrelink and I’m over here like HUH?!? my little person is almost 9 months and I just don’t want to. And I’m so glad there are mums out there going back to work don’t get me wrong I do not have an opinion about this every mum is different and you need to do whatever you think is right for yourself and your baby. I just have high anxiety levels about going back to my job. I don’t think I will get back into the flow of things easy and I don’t feel very welcomed back which is a sad thing. I did love my job but somehow I think I wouldn’t fit back in and that my job has gone to someone else. So you say stop whining about it and do something. And I have. A new career path and job, but with this comes doubt and scarifies. No pay for the first couple of months, working weekends and not many hours. And starting a new job casual means another year of not been able to get homeloans etc. I’m really struggling with all of this at the moment and wish that being an adult wouldn’t come with decision making.

Poke your tongue out and be a kid again. Pull a funny face.

Oh I’m so sorry to the people that are reading this, well still reading this. I think I just needed a vent and I refuse to whine like a little bitch on facebook status, because there is nothing worse than that person on facebook saying FML plus it would of been a huge status as well lol. At least with a blog you choose to read it so it’s your fault for reading my crap thoughts hahahahaha. jokes I’m glad you are reading, but I did warn you at the start it would be a blog full of nothing, but I needed it and I thank you for that. I feel much better.

I have found the source of my problem and why I’m feeling this way. I think. My daughter dislikes me. LOL. Hear me out. She pushes me away all the time, she cries almost every time she looks at me (I know most people do lol) and if I want a cuddle and kiss I need to get it while she pulls at my face or screams. I feel like I’m living with a tiny 16 year old that only says ‘dad’ and shits herself. (through nappy and clothes twice in 2 days) YAY for being adult. Oh and the problem isn’t the poo you thought it was. I can deal with that. It’s changing clothes, because by god Frankie screams bloody murder putting a singlet on and off. Bring on Summer I’ll be that mum with the naked kid.

But as I sit here typing away my little human is sound asleep in her cot, I have my frilly socks on, drinking my coffee, watching Dr Phil, with hairy legs and thinking it might suck being an adult at times and having responsibilities (and I’m glad my life is way better than Dr Phil’s guests) but being a mum comes with so many rewards and is the most fulfilling thing about being an adult and when she wakes I will cuddle my little girl whisper in her ear to not grow up and if she tries to get away from me I will squeeze harder because I’m the adult and if I want a hug she has to.

Have a great day peoples. Try and do one thing today that makes you feel like a child. Roll in the grass, watch cartoons or put on frilly socks. whatever might make you feel better as an adult 🙂

And the pants are finished!!

This is just a short little blog because I wanted to share these cute pants that I made for my little Frankie girl. And it also follows on from my last blog “I have 99 craft projects, But I can’t finish 1!!!”

So I’m doing pretty well on doing 1 craft project at a time. I made 1 pair of pants for Frankie that just went horribly wrong, and I got very dishearten and almost gave up. The sewing machine did get packed away. But I knew where I had gone wrong and decided to go buy some stretchy material because it was canvas that I had brought and it had no stretch. It pretty much just sucked, but I just loved the pattern. I will use the material for something else.

checking out her pants while blowing bubbles

In that week that I had put the sewing machine away, I started on my next project which is a pom pom rug. Again this is a very time consuming project, but found it quite refreshing to make heaps of pom poms. All pom pom’s are made, I just need to put it all together which hopefully this will be finished next week and on my next blog. I’m so excited about it because so far it has turned out exactly how I imagined it in my head. This does not happen often. normally it turns out a mess and nothing like the photos that you see on pinterest.

sitting up like a champ in her new pants

Thanks for reading and I hope everyone has an amazing and fun filled week. I certainly have. Frankie has had her half birthday and is sitting up like a pro. I’m taking in the next month of her not moving because in no time at all she is going to be crawling around my feet. My how they grow up so so quickly.

Much love Kate and Frankieellen xoxox

Hope this smile brightens your day it always does mine.

I have 99 craft projects, But I can’t finish 1!!!

I made a promise to myself this year that I would not start a new craft project until I had finished the one I was doing. So 1 craft project at a time when normally I have 5 on the go without finishing even 1. Because like any craft enthusiast we always end up with so many different things not finished. I have a toy box full to the brim with half scarfs knitted, cross stitches with half a picture, necklaces not quite beaded all the way, all the products in the world to do 3 scrapbooks full but haven’t even started 1 and patterns upon patterns of stuff toys I want to make. I have even got material cut out, pinned ready to sew and stuff, but with everything I packed it away in the toy box.

So much Wool

So this year no more waste! Whatever project I start it must be finished before I start the next one. Oh and how hard this has been. The many things I have lined up to do. Some trendy little pants for Frankie, a weave wall hanging, pom pom rug, ball garland, soft toys and the list goes on and on. Now just to pick the next thing because I possibly picked the worse thing to start the year off. IT TOOK FOREVER! Quite possibly the most time consuming thing crafty I have ever attempted, but I can proudly say on the 23rd of March 2015 I finished it. Whooo hooo. Even though I wasn’t to happy with the final outcome, I was so damn proud when I cut the last strand of wool. And stood back to admire my work. I guess your all wondering what it was I made (unless you have scrolled through this blog and saw the pictures) that’s right a weaved mat/rug. Holy moly did it take forever. So 2 reasons why I choose the rug

1. So much scrap wool around and I just wanted to get rid of it.
2. They look awesome and so easy to do
   

   The beginning

   

   This was when it was still easy

   

   The different wools look great together

   

   This is the way we weave the mat, weave the mat, weave the mat

   In the end though I brought more wool because I wanted to finish it quicker so I found the thickest wool I could and weaved like I had never weaved before and after 2 months we had the final product. I’m pretty sure I may of got a tad inpatient and not reading the instructions (nobody got time for that) and it ended up bunched up in parts. It did almost make me cry because of how much effort I put into it, but once you have cut that wool you have to just go with it. I now know I can do it. I can finish a project without starting a new one. But my brain wouldn’t switch off to what was going to be next. Could it be sewing, knitting, project life scrapbooking, pom pom making or weaving wait no weaving for awhile.

I know there are many of you out there in the same position as me, a pile of unfinished masterpieces. So try 1 project at a time or dig out something that you have already started but just stick to that until it is finished. Even if your not happy with how it is looking half way through, you might still surprise yourself with the end project. You will find you will get more pretty stuff finished and no more wasting money, time or materials. Oh another tip. I also try not to buy anything for the next project, it’s just way to tempting!

I love the photos of her on the mat. she was such a happy bubba that day.

I was naughty and brought some funky material for pants for my little girl about a month ago and I would get it out and look at it. Then have to tell myself “No, get weaving.” Very brave of me I know hahaha. So that’s whats next and hopefully it won’t take me 2 months to finish, otherwise she would of grown out of them by the time I get them done LOL. My list is getting bigger and bigger and it is going to take me years to get through all the things I want to make, but that’s ok. They say do what makes you happy.

So I better stop typing and get to cutting out Frankie’s pants. Have a amazing, smiley day everyone one.

Much Love Kate and Frankieellen

Frankie sending you a smile

P.S If I have many interested I will do “How to weave a mat” blog thanks for reading.

5 Random things about my life.

I saw another blogger do this and thought it is nice to know a bit about someone that is so random and sometimes so out there. I love the fact that when you read people’s stories we realize how different we all are and we have our own bits and pieces that we have been through in life. The good and the ugly but somehow reading this bloggers facts I felt I knew them a little better. You might not get that from this blog of mine. For one I was trying to find facts about myself that people don’t know but most people know me better than I know myself. You see, I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a bad habit of sharing way to much. This isn’t because I like talking about myself, I just love to help people and think maybe what I have been through can help. I love to talk things out “Good Talk” great quote. Anyway here goes. 5 RANDOM facts about ME-

1. I’m divorced. This is the fact that most people will know about me, but probably won’t know the story behind it. And no I’m not sharing that (hopefully one day I have the strength to) but easy way to put it. I believe in love and happiness forever. I just made a mistake first time round. I’m very blessed to get a 2nd shot at it. And I know this time it’s the happily ever after type 

2. I look ridiculous in hats. Doesn’t matter what type of hat, my head is just way to small. End of story.

3. I love love the Dr Phil Show. I schedule my day around 12 o’clock to watch him!! Was so so angry today when some stupid car racing was on. Damn it. I didn’t get my fix today. Oh how I love his bald head and moe. What a funny looking man he is, just cracks me up and I honestly thing that half the time he just wants to punch his guests in the face. I’m waiting for the day that he does. I also like trashie american TV like Judge Judy, Hot Bench, People’s court etc

4. My fear of butter or margarine. It gives me the creeps when butter/margarine is on a salad roll. I can’t handle it when you can see it on the lettuce or the cheese ahhhhhh It’s making me cringe thinking about it. I can have it just on a plain piece of bread or roll. I know its a strange one but for me it’s like nails on a chalk board.

5. My friends I have now mean the world to me and more. I value my friends so so much and feel very blessed everyday for the friendships in my life. And it’s the ones that are in my life now, that will be forever friends and they all have an impact and inspire me differently each and everyday. I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for them. 

It’s never to late to make new friends.

These girls stuck by me when I was at my ugliest. We are all individuals and I think that’s why we fit together like jaggered puzzle pieces. We will grow old together and it will be all sorts of awesome.

And that’s that then. I hope you learnt a little bit more about me. You can all join in as well. Leave a comment with your facts or blog about it and put the link in the comments. I enjoy hearing other people’s story.

Goodbye for now! Good Talk.

Regards much love and hugs Kate and Frankieellen

So This Just Happened

So yesterday I did something that I have never done before and a lot of people will think that I’m silly that I’m actually writing a post about this, but for me I had high anxiety from when I booked the appointment. People will be thinking what a dentist, doctor appointment.Something that could be scary. No No No I booked a hair cut.

Stupid I know, but all day yesterday I was on the brink of having a panic attack. Yes people say it’s only hair, it will grow back, but I have always loved my long hair and every time I cut it a little bit shorter I regret it and say I’m never cutting it again. But today it was time to cut it. Cut it short.

As I sat in the chair and she asked what I would like done I could feel the sweat dripping down my back from a slight panic “Cut it all off. Just do it.” I could see the excitement in her eyes. As she was cutting into my hair and I was trying to hold back the tears, she had a huge smile on her face (She can’t love her job this much on a Thursday night at 6)  I thought she is getting joy out of my pain. So I asked her. “Is it more fun to cut long hair really short?” and she smiled even more. “Hell yeah, it makes me want to cut mine.” I looked at her beautiful long blonde hair and thought hell no I wouldn’t cut that. And then she told me she had cut hers short a couple of times and then grows it back, which made me feel so much better.  I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way about getting a hair cut and yes I do feel a bit stupid about how it turns my stomach into butterflies and then a feeling of pure sickness, but I use to always think of my hair as my identity. And if its gone will I still be me?

BEFORE

AFTER

And the answer is yes. I’m still me but now me with healthy hair. HAHAHA. I like my new hair, I can’t say that its love just yet, but hopefully with time i’ll get use to it. I didn’t even tell anyone I was getting it cut short because until the first bit of hair was cut I thought I would chicken out or just go for the safe cut (bit past the shoulder length) But once she started cutting I relaxed and felt really proud that I had gone out of my comfort zone. Yes you only live once and quoted by Coco Chanel “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” I won’t go that fair but it least it won’t take as long to do in the mornings.

Love and hugs Kate and Frankieellen

One Little Word

Well I did say my next blog was going to be on friendships, well I changed my mind, because first of all I hand write all my blogs. Yep I’m old school like that. And as I read back over my words, it just wasn’t working for me. It wasn’t doing justice to all my wonderful friends. So I want to refine, rewrite and write more than one blog on this topic. I just want to show my friends how much I love them and the impact that they have on me and this blog. So hopefully I can get creative and make an awesome read for all. But until then-

I’m writing today about new years resolutions. Yes I know the first month of 2015 is gone. Gone in a flash I say, but this is a different concept on resolutions and thought it might be nice to share. Its a whole lot easier then having the same old goals every year that by February you have started chain smoking again, put back on the 5 kilos that you lost in the first 2 weeks or packed up your sewing machine because this year you were going to finish every single project that you had ever started. Does this sound like you? This is me every single year, sometimes I might get to the end of March. I must admit I did succeed with one of my resolutions last year. Do not read horoscopes. I know kinda dumb but if your anything like me I was addicted and whatever it would say I believed. “You will come in to money this week.” Hello where is my millions “If you’ve wanted to start a book, blog or other means of self-expression, Saturn in your communication zone makes it easier to create the structure and discipline to support your dreams. You’re definitely being stretched to speak your mind more than ever before.” Ok SHUT UP!!! I just read this, word for word. It’s so so true. hahaha this is why I had to stop reading them.

Well this year I have just chosen one little word. One little word is about pinpointing one guiding principle and then walking with that word throughout the year. Great idea Hey? I thought it was and unfortunately I can’t take credit for it. I read a blog about it and thought I’m so doing that. It didn’t take me very long to think of a word. WILLING! and this come about because I find that I never want to do much and spread my wings out of my comfort zone, but this word didn’t sit right with me. I found that I had to think about it to much. It’s said that the word should find you, but I knew I was searching for it. So I forgot about one little word until one day when this happened- So I usually have a plan for the day that goes something like feeding Frankie, watching her lay there for a bit, then sleep, while she slept I did the jobs for the day or sat on Facebook. She was so easy for the first 2 weeks coming home, but this day it changed and she wanted to challenge me. Instead of being this beautiful baby girl and only crying when she was hungry, she decided it would be awesome to cry and cry and cry for hours. I couldn’t get anything done and I kept thinking of all the things I need to do. I’m trying to calm her down and only getting more tense because I’m thinking I need to make the bed or wash the bottles or shower or start that craft project I saw on pinterest last night. STOP!!! I needed to stop thinking and to focus on the task at hand and getting your daughter asleep. BOOM my word “FOCUS”

A point upon which attention, activity etc, is directed on concentrated.

So I tend to think of to many things at once and half the time these things don’t even matter. The washing and dishes will still be there tomorrow if I don’t get them done today. I do shower everyday though. Frankie does sleep every now and then, for more than 5 minutes at a time. I couldn’t slow down and just focus on the task at hand. I was getting worried because my mind wouldn’t stop and I wasn’t soaking up in my beautiful daughters little life. I forgot to play with her, because I was to busy thinking of other things or scrolling through facebook. I was disgusted in myself for forgetting to even talk to her during the day. Yes she might be a baby and I think I thought she needs to eat, sleep and poo. That’s all. I was wrong. I just needed to stop and focus on her. Lay there with her, sing shake it off to her, show her things and just watch her be her. So the word focus started to work, not every single day but it definitely helped. I forgot about everything apart from the one thing I was doing at the time. This also works when it comes to writing this blog and working on my calisthenics routines or just trying to take a nap without thinking oh crap I haven’t put the washing on. I can wait till I wake up. I need this one little word to help my achieve my goals for the year. Yes I still have resolutions, but the word helps me in the moment.

TRY IT! pick one little word for yourself if you find you keep failing at your new years resolutions. Yes one month has already gone by, but there are still 11 months of the year to get through. I would love to know your words so leave a comment.

My word failed me slightly today my focus was meant to be on this blog, but Frankie decided she wanted to be a little turd and when she was being a smiley turd I also knew where my focus should be.

Till next time hugs and love Kate and Frankieellen

Here goes nothing!

Right to start off I just want to put it out there in advance to apologize for any errors on my blog including spelling mistakes, grammar etc. This blog is not how good my English is because I know how angry people can get if the grammar isn’t right. Guess what I don’t care. My English is bad and I’m quite aware of it. Also until I get use to how a blog works I may make mistakes, please forgive me because this is the most confusing thing I have attempted since year 12 maths and that was a long long long time ago, but I’m going to stick with it and accomplish big things. My blog is going to be about a range of different things and all in all I would just like it to be a good read for you. Hopefully make you smile and maybe help every now and then. Plus it makes me feel better getting all my jumbled thoughts out there.

Today I was inspired to write because of a beautiful photo of my daughter. It captures my week in her amazing facial features. Sorry for all the people out there that don’t have kids, but this is about the babies. So I will forgive you if you stop reading now, but you may get a laugh out of it or help you one day when you have a little turd of your own. Isn’t she just beautiful-

She did this a lot this week, you can tell by how red her eyes are. I never knew the power of a screaming baby until now. No matter what people told me before having her I never knew how bad some days can be. You think can’t be that bad. RIGHT?!?! WRONG! It’s lucky they are so damn cute, even when they are screaming the house down. So, yes I have had one of those weeks where no matter what I did little miss Frankie cried (screaming for better words) I honestly thought she hated me. 12 weeks old and she is already hating on me. I thought I had a few more years until that started happening. I hope there is other parents out there that relate to this feeling. Its horrible. All you can do is walk around the house crying at the same time as your precious bundle of turd, thinking surely she will go to sleep soon, she must be tired. 2 hours later and nothing much has changed but you have tried 20 different ways of getting them to sleep. bath, bottle, bum change, singing “shake is off” (she loves Taylor) walking laps of the house rocking back and forth. You cave and your walking around the house with them in the pram and finally silence. You leave them in the pram to sleep because there is no way your moving them from pram to cot. NO WAY!! I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this but before having Frankie I was like nah can’t be that bad and if you don’t have children I will forgive you for thinking exactly like me.

I stare at the photo while she is sleeping in her pram and the corners of my mouth curl upwards. Yep after 2 days (I know I said a week, but I look back and it was only about 2 days. Seriously it felt like forever.) I can still smile at this little turd, yes she is sleeping right now and its awesome, but because I know she is determined, strong and happy. She screams a lot yes but its shows me she is tough and strong and knows what she wants even if I don’t. This trait will pay off when she is older when she is striving to be the best that she can be and I know just by looking at her that she is going to do great things in this world. She has been a little fighter from the start and I’m so very proud of her.

“and though she be but little… she be FIERCE!”

It does also helps put the feelings aside that she already hates me is watching her this morning as we woke as a family in bed (another thing I was never going to do before having her but you will try anything for a good night sleep) the different faces she pulls as she awakes from slumber. She stretches her little body  grunts, moans and farts. Then turns her head to me “Good morning Frankie.” and she smiles right back to me and I know its going to be a good day.

Love and Hugs Kate and Frankieellen

xoxoxo

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